I know what is vital to my job. It's my voice. And, rather unwisely, I have lost it. Since about 11am today I have gone through a gentle transition from:
Slightly raspy (hmmn, worrying warning sign)
V
Husky (a la Honor Blackman, or so I'd like to think)
V
Croaky (a la Kermit the frog)
v
Tuning in and out (a la 14 year old boys with hormone issues)
v
whispering (Bob Harris, obviously)
v
Nada, nowt, nothing at all.
The thing about lost voices is that you need to rest them and not do any talking whatsoever. Since my ex left this is now easy for me as after I put my son to bed at 7pm at night I know I won't speak again until he gets up at 7am (unless I talk to the TV - c'mon, I know you do too). At first this silence upset me. I am a chattery person and I found it wholly unnatural to spend hours in silence. But now I'm starting to get used to it, particularly as I have found my 'voice' on here. Too many of the words I used before my ex left were 'I'm sorry', usually for things he'd done but that I apologised for in a pre-emptive anti-strop strike.
These days I have restorative and recuperative evenings where my voice gets a rest. Tonight it's vital to give me my teaching tool back for the morrow. However, it's also good that I don't have to speak to defend, or explain, or deny. I'm starting to enjoy the silence.
2 comments:
"Fools", said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence
'hear my words that I might teach you' - very true, a week in an inner-city high school whispering at naughty children to teach/discipline them really wasn't that effective...
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