D-i-v-o-r-c-e

What do you usually find on the day you come back from holiday? For most people it's a pile of letters on the doormat and that you didn't remember to throw the milk out after all... For me, it is that my ex has had some change of heart and is about to drop a bombshell.

On New Year's Eve 2007 I was travelling back from holiday and at the service station at Donington on the M1 I rang my husband. He chose that point to tell me he was moving out. Move forward a few months and at the same sodding services I get a text asking me when I'd be home because he needed to talk to me urgently. Now this could have meant one of two things: (a) he wanted to get back together or, (b) he wanted a divorce. I know it sounds unlikely that I wasn't sure which it would be but he's that bloody mercurial that it could be either.

Anyway, I get home and he turns up late (he'd fallen ASLEEP at home. How ungallant). It turns out that he wants a divorce so he can 'move on'. I did question how much more moving on there was to be done considering he lived in a flat and had another girlfriend... Which is the problem. Apparently she's not happy that we're still married and whenever he mentions the 'W' word* (wombat? Wakefield? weaving? windscreen wipers?) she has a stropette and goes all silent for a week. So we need to get divorced.

Now I have absolutely NO problem with not being married to him but I do have a problem with getting divorced. Mainly that I object to spending over a grand on doing it. I spent £14,000 on a wedding for heaven's sake and that was FUN, a divorce is just a big waste of cash that could be better spent on clothes or shoes or nights out or holidays or .... well, anything apart from a decree nisi. So, I won't divorce him because I don't want to waste what little money I have and he can't divorce me because I haven't committed adultery (but I live in hope :-) ), my behaviour isn't unreasonable and I don't consent.

So, it looks like his new girlfriend is going to have to put up with me being wifey for a lot bloody longer. Oh dear.



*wife, apparently.