How to make your friends influence people?

I just got a lovely Facebook email from a friend pointing out the existence of this website: http://www.mysinglefriend.com/. The idea is that friends nominate their single friends for the site. This is based on the sound advertising technique of word-of-mouth which is now known on the internet as Viral Advertising. I have to say that linking the concepts of dating and viruses makes me a little queasy... Anyhow, advertisers have long known that people trust people they know rather than random people on the telly. Therefore, if my friends tell potential dates I've got a GSOH, I'm attractive and that you get used to the smell after a while (the flies certainly did) the potential dater will be more trusting of my credentials.

The issue with all this is the potential semantic pitfalls my friends could fall into. If they use the wrong adjective all hell could break lose. A misplaced comma could be the difference between eternal love and a lifetime of pasta'n'sauce for one. I've been on Guardian Soulmates for a month being all picky about the unattractive men who've looked at my profile and quietly smug about the attractive ones. Over that time I created my 'Dating Site Dictionary' and I will now allow you into the linguistic mantraps the unwary dater/nominator may fall into:

'Loyal' - this means creepy and clingy. Avoid.
'Healthy Lifestyle' - this means steroid-munching-vein-popping half-wit. Avoid.
'Nice' - obviously didn't listen in English lessons when we told people to uses thesauruses (thesauri?). Avoid.
'Empathic' - did listen in English lessons when told to use a thesaurus. Hence a swot. Avoid.
'Creative' - made a thumb-pot in Y4 at primary school that his Mum pretended to really like and put on a shelf. Avoid.
'Vivacious' - a woman. Avoid. (Men are never described as vivacious, are they?)
'Tactile' - Sex-pest. Avoid.
'Funny' - this may actually mean funny/peculiar. With a weird tic. Avoid.
'Irreverent' - tells jokes about Polish people and stares at your tits. Avoid.
'Used to play guitar in a band' - once strummed a guitar at someone else's party. Is pretentious and a liar. Avoid.
'likes reading' - may own 'Bravo-Two-Zero'. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

Now, my friends are all hyper-literate and super-adept with a semi-colon. Nearly all rely on their advanced powers of language-wrangling to earn a ciabatta crust. Therefore, I would trust my friends to influence people. The only problem is the Mr Right out there who needs to be influenced is the one who'd read the testimonial and mentally tag it 'Avoid'.


OK, here's today's game. If you know me or (even better) if you don't you can leave an anonymous comment suggesting what should be said about me on a dating website...