Girls who like boys who like boys who like girls

Today I got to meet a really fascinating new person and spend a good few hours in their company. This person was a complete stranger and it was really odd, but rewarding, to make their acquaintance. And yes, it was a male. And no, this isn't a juicy post because this stranger is my son.

If you are expecting some sort of novelistic denouement where I tell you about a long lost child I'm afraid you are going to be disappointed, because I'm going to be writing about the son that I've brought up and spent nearly every day of his five-and-a-half years on this planet with. However, I've only ever seen him with friends that I have chosen for him, not with friends that he chose for himself. Today his best friend came over and I met a whole new son.

Think back to your childhood. Was there a friend that your Mum wanted you to play with (usually her friend's child) that you basically couldn't stand? They came over and you got sent off to play together, but it was more punishment than fun? Well, I'm afraid that my friend and I decided a long time ago that my son and her daughter were going to get married, for us it's a joke. For her daughter it is a deadly serious betrothal. Sadly for this little girl my son has decided that he doesn't want to play with girls and he has a best friend that he's going to marry. And it's a lad. This playground menage-a-trois led to the most heart-rending note, in her handwriting, waiting on our welcome mat when we got home:

To E I love uoy are my best frend love fron C

His answer? 'Mummy, what's this card for?'. Poor C.

So, today his real male best friend came over and I met a new son. This son is excessively boisterous, obsessed by Ben 10 (which I don't let him watch) and has the strongest Yorkshire accent you have ever heard. Doing nothing to disprove Freudian theories of phallocentricity they even kept pulling their shorts out to compare willies (even though I told them not to. Repeatedly). This son doesn't put his toys away and doesn't cuddle me. He rarely sucks his thumb and runs like the wind. He shouts and shouts and shouts until I am sick. He looks very like my son, but he's just a bit more savvy, and a real leader.

It reinforced that men and women are very different creatures. Even if I do find someone to start a relationship with there's always a chance that anything I do for them will be met with an (unspoken) 'what's this for?'

A straw poll: did your Mum attempt to foist a friend on you? What was the matter with them? You can post anonymously remember.